* To remain a size 10 no matter how many Custard Tarts I cram into my mouth.
* A parking space right outside my house. Or – dream of dreams – a drive.
* To walk into a room without ever breathing in.
* No more sorting the recycle bin. I am officially divorcing Climate Change.
* A pension that buys me more than a loaf of bread (and it’s not even fancy bread).
* Disappear-proof dust.
* Zero grey hair (pubes included).
* To be visible to anyone under 40.
* Bouncy bits rather than wobbly bits.
* A holiday where I never sit my suitcase shut, drink tea that tastes like a latrine and arrive looking like Mrs Overall. With sunshine. And Pina Coladas.
* A hug from my mum and dad (they’re dead so it’s tricky).
* No regrets (I’ve had a landfill full).
* A car that doesn’t play cassettes.
* Oh and of course, world peace.